I recently asked the question: Do you ever feel like someone else may be living your life? Now, I do love the response about maybe I feel like I have been abducted by aliens, but I do ask this question in a seriously rhetorical way. Can I do that? I had just finished reading a couple of blogs and finished e-mail conversations when this question popped in my head. I have four friends in four stages of marital dissatisfaction, separation, divorce, and single parenting. I have artist friends in various stages of emerging, creative frenzies, and actively showing in galleries. I have friends in various stages of pregnancy, birth, and losses. And, I have friends in various stages of first jobs, returning to work after having babies, career changes, and losing employment. Lastly, there are those of us who are in various stages of a cancer, or other illness, journey and question what it means to be actually living.
So when you are in your twenties, there is always something to be excited about, at least it was for me. Twenty is cool because, you are no longer a teen. Twenty-one means you get to go with your friends to any club to go dancing any night of the week, not just Thursdays on 18 and over nights. Twenty-two, you graduate from college and get your first job. Twenty-three, you meet the guy of your dreams. Twenty-four you are rocking into your career. And, at twenty-five you get married. Then there are babies (with the making the babies being the best part) and still looking hot at 28. Heck, even turning thirty is pretty cool whether you actually got married and made some babies or not.
Then there is the thirties. Life seems to slow way down and you start forgetting what birthday you are celebrating next week. Hopefully, you did what it was that you needed to do to make your dreams come true. Well, like, what I mean is if you are going to be a rock star, you better have produced an album. If you are an artist, you better be showing nationally and found some local popularity. Or, at least know what it is your going to lay down on that canvas or build out of clay. If you are into fashion, you have gotten your name out on a label by thirty. And, if you are shooting for the momma gig, hopefully your belly is plump and you have a sweet guy to help you raise your bundle of joy and help with the laundry when you are really cranky.
So here I am at thirty-five and thinking about what is my life. The window to my life goes both ways. Funny thing is that I have people looking into my life-window and wishing they were here living it. Funny thing. Only funny because the Big C pretty much runs my life these days. None the less, I am honored. Yet, of course, I am looking out my life-window and reading the posting of friends with gallery representation showing their art to the world thinking that maybe I missed something along the way. Sure, their life is not too varied from mine...but how is they have their art work out there? Did you know I had always wanted to write a book too? Yep, thought I would be published by now, short storie perhaps. Yes, maybe someday. But, I have no clue how to start because I only have a minor in creative writing and never got to the senior courses on the getting the thing done. So I see a friend with a book, and album, art in a regular gallery in a big city and wonder if they are living the life I am supposed to be living. Or, at least the life I thought I might be living when I was 22.
At times, we all feel like we are just paddling along in life. Our career, our parenting, our sick spouse or kid, our whatevers, just seem to be going. But, is it what you thought you would be doing? And if it isn't, how do you get there? Do you keep paddling and hope for divine intervention, a message, because you are listening, sort of? Do you put on the gears, get out of the boat, and go someplace else? Do you risk loosing all that you have, because what you have is pretty great too, you know? Do you risk loosing it to change your path so that you can have a fuller you that you imagined? Or, may be you wouldn't loose what is now in your life if you get out of the darn boat and change your course. Maybe you like your boat because it seems to have lasted through some pretty gnarly rapids. Sure, it needs a little repair and maybe a new mast and a cool mermaid on the front. Who is to know really. Get out of the boat or stay? But, one thing is for sure, you are looking out your life-window wondering if you might be missing something. And, there is someone looking right back through your window at you thinking you are living the life they were meant to live.
