Each time I get a massage, I am asked what my pain level is going in and what it is going out. I sometimes find this bemusing. Like if I haven't gone from a 4 to a 2 in one hour, why am I here. This, of course, makes sense due to the fact I get my massage therapy at the Health Center of Integrated Therapies which is a branch of the Longmont United Hospital. Also, I am sure there is some pain assessment hula hoop to jump through as I get my therapies covered on my insurance.
Over the past three years, I have discovered a whole new world of pain. Previously, pain consisted of stubbing a toe on the cement step or my kid accidentally head butting me. If I was ever in a medical office and they held up that cute chart with the faces ranging from smiley to grimmus, I might even choose the level four, almost grimmus to identify the pain of getting a blood draw done.
However, now, a blood draw is routine and ranks at maybe a 2, not quite a smiley face, level. I tease my massage therapist, "Don't you knew, I don't have pain anymore. I only have discomfort." Now, I am not going to get into any bloody details of pain needing Oxycoton just to take the edge off such as I experienced during the two weeks after my bilateral mastectomy. Yes, the intesity of one surgery caused me to exclaim that an apendectomy recovery is nearly painless. No, I am going to talk about the day to day "discomfort." The body gets used to pain and raises the bar. Anyone with arthritis, MS, Lupus, fiber mialgia, or other similar disease can acclaim to this numbing of pain as the body shuts down its alert system so you can better enjoy your day to day life.
Today, I just didn't feel great. I went in and out of my errands and through lunch not too interested in food. I visited my mother in the hospital as she is recovering from a surgery. I had sat with her the night before when she was doing that great. She was nauseated as the leg anesthesia block wore off from the surgery. I spent much of the morning thinking through how I dealt with pain during my past six surgeries in three years. At lunch, she was doing okay, but not great. She still wasn't eating. I went home still thinking about how to make this better based on my experiences. Going about my business and running to get the kids from school, I began to think of the next hurtle in my day, dinner. I just didn't want to eat anything. Everything sounded gross. And, that is when I realized I was actually nauseous and took a Zofran. See, I had stubbed my toes blunt on last night coming home from the hospital to a dark house. Since I have Hand and Foot Syndrome, this action sends knife-like pains right up my leg to my groin. It makes my toe nail beds bleed and blisters form on the tips. All morning, I had been in pain from this. I had ignored it. Actually, my brain ignored it. I was nauseous from the pain and didn't even realize it until I started thinking about food.
So I figured it out. Nausea meds first. Then, pain meds and get it on a schedule. This evening during my chats with Mom and later the nurses, we ironed out that she was left off pain meds beyond the recommended dosing, went into a pain loop and then was unable to identify to difference as her body screamed for some help.
Well, Mom is doing better tonight as I left her dozing off to some good sleep after meds and a great back rub by her lucky daughter. I think the nurse finally had settled her on to a plan, a schedule of action with her medication with a slow tapper. Pain is a funny thing. It really is abstract and variable. Its totally subjective nature makes it difficult to manage. But one thing is for sure, when someone you love very much is in pain, your momma bear alert system rings out loud and clear. Well, good night Momma Bear from your Baby Bear. I sure hope tomorrow is more bearable. ;> XOXOX
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