tending to the dragons and fariies

So what about your dragons and fairies?  What happens to them when you are figuring out life with cancer?  Well, they sometimes become shadow walkers.  They are both good at that.  The only problem is that they sometimes get scared of the dark.  So I have chosen to let the light reach around my looming figure to sparkle on their tears. 
  How scary it must be to think your mommy, the day to day lady who mysteriously makes you food and often gets exactly what you always wanted and a little brocolli on your plate without you even asking, may stop serving your every need.  We often forget those little ones have huge ears and even bigger imaginations.
  So the fairies stop casting spells and painting the petals on the flowers.  Their garden dries up and turns grey.  They may even forget to dance to make the rain come.  But, you can brush their hair and explain the world for a quiet spell and they will remember the dance.  Remind your fairy to take each day as just a day.  This moment is just this moment.  And, we are together now.  So breath in the air here in this day and find the beauty set before your eyes.  This is really not that hard of a task as fairies are drawn to beauty, it is in their nature. 
    When my fairy was told I was in remission, that life was just stable for a while, she replied with a glint of tear in her eyes, "Mom, my love bucket was already full today and now it is just overflowing all over the floor."  She later needed to talk about what remission meant exactly as my analytical one.  But, she understood that this was a good thing.  "Now, you just have to be good and take all your pills and go to all your appointments and keep those cancer cells out of your body, okay?"  Will do, my fairy, for I have a lot of dances to attend and petals to paint with you.
   Now little dragons are tougher to understand as they tend to smolder in their heat.  They can make big angry, black clouds with their fire all the while wail because they can't breath their fire perfectly.  They can fly around burning down the neighborhood one minute and offer to take you on a flight to see the rainbow the next.  Their tough, scaly skin protects them, but it also keeps them from being touched.  Many bigger dragons forget that little dragons still need to be touched even when they look all grown up and tough. 
   My dragon has been very angry and confused.  He seems to have forgotten if he was supposed to burn down the house of the wicked witch of the west or the barn of the farmer who feeds the poor on Fridays.  What he really wants to do is just fly; fly high and away from all this mess.  So how is it you talk to the littlest of dragons?  Well, first you have to find their den and place of peace.  Let them have a snugglie to hold even when you think they ought be a big boy and not need a softie.  Sing a song.  Be very kind and speak low.  Then ask them if they have any questions.  Of course, they will say nothing, but you will see their gears in their brains racing.  Do you understand what is going on?  "No, mommy.  Does remission mean you no longer have cancer and will live forever and ever?  Is it gone forever?"  See, little dragons want the facts in black and white.  So you have to choose your words carefully.  The cancer is gone for a long time as long as we keep working at it.  "Will you still be tired all the time?"  Yes.  "Will you still have that white stuff oozing out of the blisters on your toes?"  Yes.  "Can I help you pop them?"  Not tonight, they are all right right now.  "Will you come to eat lunch with me tomorrow at school?"  Yes, if you will let me go when it is time knowing I will see you when school is done.  Can you do that?  Can you let me go when it is time for lunchto end?  A silent nod and look of uncertainty.  I will come if you can let me go.  "Okay."
   I love you to the moon and back my fairy and dragon.  You are the reason I get up in the morning.  You are the most powerful medicine and make my love bucket over follow with just a smile.  You can try to push me away.  Maybe it would be easier if you didn't care so much.  Yes, maybe.  But, I am not going anywhere just yet.  I will love you no matter what.  And, you can never fail me.  Just take in the moment, let yesterday be a lesson, and worry less of tomorrow so you don't miss the beauty of today.  Don't seek out the easy; find the possible.  You are amazingly awesome.  Now, let us dance and make the rains come.