Thoughts are a really interesting thing to think about. Thinking about thinking. Wayne Dywer and Eckhart Tolle, contemporary inspirational and spiritual speakers, call your head-language EGO. This is actually and acronym meaning to Edge God Out. In other words, it is your silences when you hear God's voice. Meditation. And, your head-language keeps you from hearing God's voice and your true calling.
It is simple to hear God at the end on my yoga practice as I lie in corpse pose and let the heat of the studio wash over my body. Tiny, under used muscles flinch and shutter. I breath into them. And images of paintings weave in and out of my mind. Often I feel as if I am floating and there are cherry blossom petals falling all around me. Sometimes, I cry. It's easy to listen then. It's also easy to silence my head language when I am tired and laying in bed trying to fall asleep.
Wait, what am I talking about? That is the worse time of the day when EGO has her way with me pillaging my sanity and raping my mind with fear. Well, actually, it isn't all that bad thanks to mommy's little yellow happy pills. Just kidding. I only take those on really bad nights when there is a rager going on in other parts on my body, and I need to call the Valium police to shut it down. My mind is quite busy at ten pm. It always has been. In high school, I would be awake well past midnight writing poems and sorting out my future. And, that is when I learned to meditate. I grabbed my fattest textbook, history of course, and put it in my stomach as I lie on my back. I would then breath in and out raising and lowering it slowly until eventually I was so full of clean air that it would drop to the floor as I curled up with my knees to my chin asleep.
So now that we understand head language, EGO, listening for God, and meditation, I was wondering if it was okay to think about something all the time. What if that something was bad and puts you on the edge of panic like waiting for a test result? EGO would most definitely jump up and down in a picket line yelling, "You are going to fail. You are going to fail." The spiritual teachers would tell you to acknowledge those thoughts; hug them if you will. Then let them fall away. So then, our teachers, is it okay to start plugging in your pep talk tape and set it on repeat? "You are so awesome; you've got this; no problem." Is that not your EGO talking as well? Is it? For myself, I am not sure I would be such an optomist with out my cheerleader record set on repeat in my head. Or would I? What if I turned it all off?
See what I mean, thinking about thinking is strange business. So what if your obsessive thoughts were about a thing? What if that thing was really bad for you, but it made you feel so good thinking about it? What if you couldn't get it out of your head? But, you never intend to enjoy this thing. Just the thinking about it makes you happy. Or does it?
What if your were an addict and that thing you obsessively thought about was drugs? Does that change the way you would answer the questions above? Sure it does. What if I just told you that the thing was this great pair of $1,467 shoes you saw in this window display on 5th Avenue that when you tried them on you felt like Carie Bradshaw in Sex in the City only totally prettier and five inches taller? What if you had the money to buy the shoes? Would thinking about them be okay? What if it was a car? A house? That huge TV? A book you want to read? A person you just met? A doll for your little girl? A doll for someone else's little girl? A trip to Hawaii? What you are going to make for dinner?
No seriously, we all think of crazy things that make us feel good inside. Sometimes you can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes it is just a secret between you and your reflection. Sometimes you broadcast it on your Facebook status: "I want cake." Do you want cake or is that your EGO talking? Or are you really expressing that you feel completely depressed or stressed out and you're a woman between the ages of 16 and 72? Maybe you are just on a diet and that is your EGO pillaging your sanity. Is it really necessary to turn off your EGO head-language all the time? Or can you enjoy a little cake-dreaming and cheerleader recording put on repeat. Isn't it a good thing to have a little oxytocin rush while pondering that thing if it really is quite innocent, that is to say not drugs or any other act against the Ten Commandments? Is that called motivation or is it EGO clouding the subject. I don't know, let me go meditate on it and get back to you.
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I am back. No answer to the pondering of whether repetitively thinking about thinking about something that makes you feel awesome inside is a good thing or your EGO keeping you from your true calling because all I could think about was dark chocolate double devil's food cake with a dallop of French vanilla.
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