Act Now

    Act. Act now. Decision making is not my best talent.  I suppose that is the result of being very accepting of just about everything that doesn't stink or cause harm.  There is a list in my head, and now on my LifeRoo site (http://liferoo.com/,) of day dreams of what I want to do in this lifetime, my Life List.  Yes, I know, you have all heard it before, I want to write a book.  I always have.  I have wanted to since my minor in creative writing in college nearly fifteen years ago.  The problem with a minor is you never get to the classes that teach you how stop writing and be an author.  Or so that is my excuse.
    So my problem is I have the inability to execute a decision when it comes to myself.  Now, as the Midnight Housewife, we well know I can decide away tasks of motherhood and household management.  As an artist, when I am painting, there is no deciding necessary as what I put down on the canvas is a stream of subconsciousness flowing intuitively.  And, that is why I like quilting.  It is a balance as there is much more deciding in the creative process.  With me and what I want to do, however, I can never decide whether it is what car to drive or which side to part my hair.  Oh, wait, I don't have hair right now; check that off the list.  My Humanness is just fine the way it is.
   It was fine until I started realizing I wasn't moving forward.  Fear of being wrong kept me here.  The irony is that in the last three years, I moved through my cancer journey at a decidedly strong pace.  I sought those second opinions.  I decided which surgeon would best carry me through my journey and not just cut off my breast and through my sick parts in the trash.  I enlisted two oncologist, a yin and a yang.  I always insist on the medical assistant of my neurosurgeon look at my MRIs because he has saved my life...twice...with his hawk eyes.  I never gave up yoga even when my body was weak.  And, I found a new love for running outside that is oddly inspirational whether it is the endorphins, rocking to fun tunes, or the fresh air, I can't decide.  So why then, is my Life List, as simple as it is, seem like Mt. Everest?
   This afternoon, after church, I sat and listened to Pastor Allen and his wife discuss the journey of the church at an information luncheon about church membership.  I think it is the slightly odd analogies that totally mirror my own that brought me to a decision today.  There was an animated analogy about sitting in a chair simply because we said it was a chair, trust, and why we believe.  There was something about being in the middle of something...oh forget it...I can't remember.  There was another one about imagining life without a member of your body, say a thumb.  No make that a leg, eye, ear.  It is how all our members of our body work together that give us our Humanness.  The analogy referred to church membership.
   I have been attending Rocky Mountain Christian Church since about 2007.  My former church, of which I was a member and was married through, became a place I no longer felt comfortable.  So I started attending the church services where my kiddos went to preschool.  I loved the sermons which moved me to cry on a regular basis.  But, the baptisms by immersion sort of freaked me out.  I am not really sure why, so don't ask.  So I am hearing about the baptisms and how that is what you do to become a member of this Christian body when I decided I would be baptized again (my parents baptized me as an infant in the Methodist church.)  There was one thing, I needed it to be my personal thing, not in front of the congregation on a Sunday morning.  Call me shy or just understand that my spirituality is a personal one which I protect quietly in my heart and shine out to others through my hugs, smiles, and charity.
   At the end of the luncheon, even though I knew my kiddos would be climbing the walls of the nursery that smelled like poopy diapers that they were sequestered to, I asked if I could be baptized by myself.  After some arranging, picking up my kiddos, and calling my parents to come as soon as they could manage, I was baptized in a warm bath.  I cried.  It made sense.  I took a step that was so simple so that I could move forward.  And, I understood the reason the baptisms on Sunday mornings freaked me out.  I am humble before my Lord.  For me, doing this in front of a bunch of people would feel like a performance.  I would be nervous.  I would be fearful of doing it wrong.  But, with my family as a witness, I was comforted in my humbleness.  My true emotions would not be masked by the human reaction to publicness.
   "Those who believed...were baptized...that day." (Acts 2:41)
   Being baptized today is about being a member of a Christian Body.  It is more.  I promise myself to stop daydreaming and talking about my Life List and decide to move forward.  I either put my money where my mouth is or scratch it off the list.  Don't worry, Mom, sky diving and climbing Mt. Everest were scratched off a really long time ago.  I sat for five years in those pews of RMCC trying to decide if I should join.  Today, I decided.  Tomorrow, I will paint.  I will walk in the morning if it is warm or yoga if it is windy, even if my body feels exhausted.  Yes, this I decided.  Now, as hard as it may be, I will act...act now.