Surgery 101

Here is what I know about surgery:
-Your mother knows best.  At least my mother does so you can borrow her if you need some good advise and hugs.
-A clean bathroom and bedsheets are essential, but the dusting can wait.
-Stock up on BRATS.  That is the BRAT diet of apple sauce, mild soups and juices.
-Stock up on movies you don't have to think too hard to watch.  And, skip ones that make you laugh too hard if you are having abdominal surgery.  Ouch.
-Shave your legs with a nice new razor in your shower just before you go into the hospital.
-Paint your toes a cool color. If anything, it gives you something to talk about with the nurses when they are putting on your surgical stockings.
-Have friends on the nursing staff looking out for your best interest. (You rock, Allison)
-Be totally cool when you are getting checked in so the nurses want to give you extra help.  Sort of like you don't want to be mean to your waiter at a restaurant or they might spit in your ice tea.  I wonder what nurses spit in when they have nasty patients.
-Don't be afraid to elevate yourself to movie star status with the nurses with your cool survival story.
-Don't forget to gossip about Dr. Heartthrob with the staff...get them laughing.
-Thank the check-in nurse for asking the question: "Do you feel safe at home?"  This is very important.  A lot of times a person doesn't feel safe.  And, this is the first time they were ever asked and will begin to get help.  So it is a great question to be asked.
-Don't always trust the Marine field medic gone nurse when all the other nurses keep popping in to see if he is doing alright.  He might have a nice smile, but the IV stick is another story.
-Tears are good if it hurts; gets you some sympathy.
-Don't forget your birthday.
-Don't forget what surgery you will have and make sure to ask the staff if they don't ask you over and over.
-Make a list of all allergies and memorize it so you can repeat it over and over.
-Get pictures of your insides so you can post them on Facebook and gross out your friends.
-Have someone with a good memory present when the surgeon comes to tell you how the surgery went because either he talks really fast or you listen very slowly.
-Don't get in the car to go home until you are sure you will not throw up.
-Pillows!
-Cozy blankie.
-Stool softener.
-Crackers and water.
-Dairy free smoothies rock.
-Kleenex and barf bag...just in case.
-Lotion for feet and hands.
-You won't be able to talk clearly for a couple of days.
-NeilMeds Sinus Wash helps with the bruised throat from the tube so you can talk because we know you are dying to chat.
-Warm tea.
-Lay elevated because it is easier to sit up.
-When sitting up, bend your knees into you chest and use the weight of your legs to rock yourself up instead of engaging your solar plex muscles which hurt.
-Keep expensive pain meds until they expire in case you can use them again.  Then dispose of them at your hospital for safe handling.  Apparently, raccoons go through the dump and think they are food.  We don't our rascals trippin' on Oxycontin, now do we?
-The pain of passing the gas they blew up your tummy with is more painful then the stab wounds you know yield.
-Bed-side prenatal stretching and hip openers can help to relieve said gas issue and lower back discomfort from laying in bed.  Go bedside down dog and supta konasana!
-Watch temperature and for red/rash skin.
-Know it will get a bit worse before it gets better.  But, it will get better.
-Sleep!