I would go to my room and think and think trying to make sense of a big problem. I just didn't understand why I thought what I thought. And, why the color of blue of the sky I saw just may not be the color you saw. Why did God put me here right now? (At the time, I thought of God as a big man who watched over us and made us do things like puppets; the guy in the sky, right.). The questions were so big and so profound I would get a headache, loose interest, and return to my Barbies and Legos.
Oh, the things I have learned thus far in my life. I will save much of my musings for another day if you will stop and have a cup of chia with me. Today, though, I was thinking about how you help sculpt my concept of who I am. I am in California. I am here to visit my BFF from high school. Twenty four years. It was art class. Everyone was listening to Mr. Akamichi's instruction. The room was quiet. Suddenly, not knowing her own volume, she shouted, "Do you have any batteries?" She was referring to her dying CD Walkman, of course. Later, lunch I think, I saw her leaning up against the library wall some other folks. I asked her if she got if trouble in art class, and the rest is history.
Throughout the years there has beenthe usual ebb and flow of a relationship. Her life leading this way, mine that way, and both to return back to the same place. Just for a moment. thousands miles away, we can pick up the phone a talk as if today was twenty years ago. Today, as we walk along the coast at Point Lobos, I ask her, "what one thing in your personality do you think has changed over the years?" I will keep her response and our further pondering between us as it should be. But, this conversation sparked a question I had been rolling over in my mind for years, why am I me? And, how has those I encounter in this life time effect what I know about myself?
The second reason I am here this weekend is it is our twentieth high school reunion. Two birds one stone. I didn't leave my school with warm fuzzy memories about all those standing with me in sheer, white acetate robes that stuck to our calves. In fact, I left the promp and circumstance as quickly as I could eloquently place the school in my rearview mirror.
Tonight, we had a small meet up at a pub. I chatted with a few peers I recognized, tried to remember the names of some others, and shared photos of our kids on our IPhones. Yes, we have come a long way from hand written book reports. Stories were shared..."Oh,remember when... What was that teacher's name? How's so and so doing?" Honestly, I could only understand fifty percent of what was shared due to only having one good hearing ear. And, I will remember even less tomorrow.
What I do remember is one fellow student telling me he'd recently had a dream about me saying something profound that changed his way of thinking. I said something like, one doesn't go anywhere without common sense. That comment opened up a lot of his thinking. I so wish I could remember that conversation. The more I think about it the more I get closer to knowing what the heck I meant. Yes, I think it was in Physics. Is that right?
At any rate, thinking about this moment in time and other memories sparked with the simple phrase, remember when..., had me thinking about how being in the same space and giving it each other thoughts in words, we inform each other. Just because I met you, Who I am is built upon. I am who I am because of you. And if you think too hard on it, I know from experience, it will become so profoundly crazy you will need to go play scrabble on your iPad to crest some sense of order.
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