Mother Tiger

"But, I have to have it done well before Halloween because I have two little kids and it is important."

I found myself saying this several times today to my shipmates.  Being a parent survivor is like driving the Titanic.  In the end, it is all about them.  They are my navigators.  Without them, I am lost.  I worked a bit today to try to communicate that no matter what is needed, I need to be a mom and therefore, treatment needed to be done on my time, on my kids' time.  Back two and a half years ago, I just said, "Yes, fix me.  Do it whenever you want." 

During the early part of the day, I had come to terms with Cyber Knife treatment.  After all, it is pretty much a miracle.  So late tonight at 7:30, while I was having dinner with two other families after soccer practice, my phone rings.  Finally, it is my oncologist.  Returning from his vacation, he has time to review my case and talked to the neurosurgeon while he was on the train returning from his moose hunting.  So to confuse me more, he spoke of it being time for full brain radiation.  I will have to admit this freaks me out when I over heard some doctor saying something about issues with stuttering, memory, etc.  I believe it was my young women's breast oncologist who said it would be a last resort as it would cause more issues then the targeted radiation of Cyber Knife. 

Well, at any rate, my oncologist is now on board my ship.  All I ask is that you all get your brains going on the same page.  All four of you.  Save my life.  No, save my mother super powers.  Man, this is freakin' hard.  Off for a nice weekend inspite of the turn in the weather for the bitter cold.  Monday.  I should know something Monday. 

By the way, did you know that I found out from the general surgeon that my biopsies were malignant when my cell phone vibrated in my back pocket when I was out with friends at an art opening, it was 7:30 pm.