Messages come in interesting packages. My chilren have been fighting about fairness for weeks now. Nothing is fair. And, if it isn't exactly the same, then aparently, I owe the other something to compensate. Then it esculates to the one who is supposed to have had more is now jealous the other one is getting something and wants something too. And, by the way, I never said they are getting anything. There are tears, there is screaming, and there is Mommy trying really hard unsucessfully to be nonreactive to the situation. It was so much easier when they were two and three. The toy went in toy jail and the issue was solved. Oh, I miss the days or parrallell play.
During church yesterday, and the children attended with us, Pastor Alan discussed Peter and how he denied Christ three times. So when Jesus returned to Peter, he asked him if he loved him and told him to watch his sheep three times. Peter thought it was unfair to be asked three times. The discussion moved forward to the desciplies conflicting about their allotted roles as followers. One example is that all died a mayrter's death excpet John. And, the question was asked...would dying early a martyr's death after years of struggle be better or worse then living a really long time full of struggle? Which is more fair?
The question is, what is fair whether we are talking about the length of life as a disciple or how many Squeekies and Jelly Bellies you got in your Easter Eggs. So this is obviouly the task I am given as caretaker of my children. How do I teach them that things always work out the way they should? Though they are different, it is fair. How do we get beyond the fighting, competition, the tears? I would love to sing-song through my mornings with children smiling and doing what they are asked. A stay-at-home-mom's dream.
I can not tell my kids that it is not fair that I am the one with cancer. It is here in this world. I rather it be me then my mother or best friend. Then again, I would rather it not be me. It is not fair! Do I blame God? No. Nothing is a hundred percent. If it were, we would have no need for percents and prayer.
Short of blaming me for all means of unfairness, the children just want the best for themselves. They are their own first knight. So yes, I am proud of them for standing up for themselves, for fighting for what they perceive is rightly theirs. Now that they have grown to be strong warriors, how do I teach them to surrender gracefully and accept that a cup half full is not an empty cup? I suppose the same way I tell myself to be thankful I am here today even when I don't feel good or have too many chores to get done. I am here doing what I am supposed to be doing. With patience, my children will find this balance too. See, there is my silver lining. Through struggle comes lesrning about yourself. By learning about yourself, you step closer to self-actualizing. The closer you come to slef-actuallizing, the closer you become to understanding the Godliness in you.
John lived a long life. He was supposed to. He needed the time to watch over His sheep. Some of us are meant to be sparklers and some of us are meant to be stones. A firecracker makes a point in a grand moment of splender. A stone rolls years in the river effecting the course. Neither is perfect. Who wants to brun out shortly? Who wants to roll along for ever? Just as, who wants to be a brilliant light creating ohs and ahs in the night sky? And, who wants to create a lasting impression and effect change?
I am not sure how that answers my question as a parent. I will stay the course as a stone in the river rolling patiently, repeting lessons and examples on dealing with these feelings of jealousy, model by example, and pray. Wow, think of the furture. If they are already grand champions of their needs, when they understand the balance of accepting a half full glass as one that is not empty....
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