Day 68 of 84

In 16 days and 9 hours the kids will return to school.  We've started some training.   Get to bed by eight, brush teeth in the morning, make your bed, comb your hair, fifteen minutes of reading, be nice to your sister.  There is a bit of a bitter sweetness to the words, back to school.  Though I look forward to some major studio time, I will miss days like today.  Monday, cleaning day.  A slow morning deserving of some party kids.  We moved through the motions of cleaning.  Son cleaned the kids bathroom with great pride.  And Daughter grabbed some alone time playing dolls.  Two bathrooms and a bedroom finished, we dash off with a lunch to Sunset Pool.  There is only two weeks of outdoor swimming left, you know.  A storm rolls in and we dash off with our reciept to the indoor pool...no charge.  Dinner; I actually cooked.  Enchiladas, three different kinds and some to freeze for later.  The kids get some bonding time with Dad watching Mountain Man on TV, and I go upstairs to "black bag" all that remained on Daughter's floor.  You know, she was asked to clean up her room.  She chose to play dolls.  Bye bye Barbie dresses.  A some reading time with each kid, and finally a shower and out of my still damp swimsuit.  Though I then moved into housekeeper mode cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry, today was a good ol' fashion summer day.  A little work and a lot of play.  Hey, Saturday wasn't half bad either.  We went to another outdoor pool for what will probably be our only visit this year.  Then we had friends over for Chinese dinner and Big Miracle.   Sunday was also a good ol' summer day.  Sleeping in, missing church again, and going to the grocery store instead.  Daddy takes Son to his first baseball game at Coors field and Mom takes Daughter up to Allenspark to Father-in-law's cabin.  We have lunch and then watch a performance called Fairytales and Fables at the community center.  It was fun but was rushed inside during intermission due to rain.  Yes, I am excited to have some uninterrupted time soon.  However, the kids give me a reason to get up in the morning.  They give me reason to take care of my home.  They give me hugs.  Motivation is hard to find when you struggle with the emotional impact of survivorship.   There is a mind language that belabors on any pains, worries, and losses.  It fools you into being unhappy.  I suppose whether I was sick or healthy, I would feel this from time to time.   as a housewife.  The feeling of worthlessness.  Feeling of emptiness.  Lonliness. And a craving for nurturing.  And that is where my little pains in the bum come into the picture.  They crawl into my bed in the mornings.  I am sandwhiched in love for a few minutes.  Just a few minutes we lay there silently as Beings until our roles as Humans begin.  Especially when you have a slow morn of summer.