Letter of Support

  I am forced to deal with some pretty profound thoughts about life and death.  I have discussed them here in my journal and shared them with you.  As my friend, I know you are going through your own journey to answer your own questions about your own life and death.  I hate when people say it, but...maybe that is why I got sick.
  Okay, not really.  But, I do think that by knowing me and following my journey you are offered a great opportunity to think about these things and research.  Go into your own head and research how you feel.  answer your questions.  Seek guidance from your spirit guides (yes, they are there, I've seen them.)  In the mean time, here is an exert from a letter I just wrote a friend who is feeling worried and confused right now about life and death:

I was going to write you back about your last e-mail. I hope you do follow my Caring Bridge and get information there. I try to keep that one medical based so I don't post if nothing going on...or I am feeling pretty good. I have another blog that is my pondering on life in general. http://saralbbrown.blogspot.com/ I an sort of irregular when I post on that as it is more of a journal. However, there is quite a bit in the last several posts about what is going on my head about dying.
     The hard evidence is that I will not live a really long time. I am okay with that for myself. It is my family and friends that I worry more about. I know it will be quite a long time yet. And, I know I will get to see Julia getting married. But, I also know that is highly likely I will not get to see my grand babies. I will fight like hell to keep this body healthy and mentally relaxed and balanced. I will go to yoga class as much as I can because I can find my center there. And, that is all I can do. I can fortify the fort, so to speak, but may not be able to keep out the troops. My body is a Native American tribe and the cancer is the New Americans.
     Does that make sense? So I know you are worried and that is how you should feel, it is normal. Take some time and read my blog going back to about Dec. 4 or so. See if that helps. I bet you have a lot going on in your head with the loss of your father and all too. So you just have to find your own way to understand the mind, body, and soul. As I say in my blog, there is Human (body) and there is Being (soul) and that is what makes us all Human Beings. It is a slight balance; a yin yang.
    I hope that helps. Also, I think the movie (Living Proof) really is good in explaining how it all feels to go through all of this. Do keep in mind though that we (people who went through chemo) really don't throw up and stuff anymore. There are all these great drugs now. More then likely we gain 20 pounds! Herceptin was invented in the late 80s so those women didn't have these drugs we have now to curb side effects.
    It really is a miracle I am alive today. So if you feel down and worried about that, think about it. Without Herceptin, Cyber Knifing, and all these great minds inventing new drugs.... And that is the miracle. Our Human brain creating all this stuff to keep our Beings here down on Earth a little longer.   Who knows, maybe the next miracle is this Tykerb I am on now.  Just maybe I will be that 65 year old woman babysitting my kindergarten grandchildren while his parents go to work.  I am choosing to put my energy there.