Today's infusion went pretty well. I guess I uncapped my bottle last night and drained the eyeballs of tears and fists of angry punches at the pillow. I had the appointment moved to 9:15. Just enough time to flee from Julia's school drop off to Vic's for a rice milk hazelnut latte and zoom over the the hospital. Infusions just go much better when latted. I liked the quiet room of a Monday morning. Either patients were already sleeping or they were waiting for a doctor visit. I was able to pull out my O magazine and start reading. Also, my bartender prepared the cocktail prepared quite quickly. Just a minute after my Benedryl stooper, Ed popped into the chair across from me for his third dose of four in his three week cycle. At 11:30 on the dot, my pump beeps, we drip those last $20 worth of drops from my $1500 bag of Herceptin, and I am out of there. I took a little jaunt down to the hospital art walk to view my quilts on display. A bit of an ego boost because I rock. I really need to get to making art again soon. Then a nap after a bite of lunch. I have to say thank you for Kim for taking Jack home from extension and my dad for going to walk Julia home from her neighborhood school as I had just awoke at 3:10 in a bit of a fog. The night progressed with an early dinner with my parents and grandparents. I was very pleased even Scott was able to join us. We went for a nice walk and took pictures of four generations of women too.
I am asked often what it feels like. I get really nervous about the insertion of the access needle into my port. I have had several nurses miss it and that pretty much feels like what I think a stabbing knife might feel like. So the nurses tend to poke around pulling my skin taunt and move the port a bit as it is small and sits at an angle. I have to flare out my clavicle, take a deep breath, and boom, it stings. Then there is a metallic order as they flush the line. Then we are off. The Benedryl is intense. I feel really hyper and then boom, crash. I nod but don't sleep. That is me. I don't sleep in cars or airplanes either. It is only twenty minutes so by the time my eyes are drooping, they are asking me to identify my bag of Herceptin, I always try to say the real scientific name Trastuzumab. This exchange has no odor or feeling. By this time, I am up for some reading, but if you try to engage me in conversation, it may not make clear sense. Shelley was making fun of Ed and me today as she was accessing him at this point in my infusion. I was totally following our conversation, but apparently, to an outsider, it was pretty funny sounding. I suppose we sound a bit like a couple of drunks. The final flush smells like a skunk. I asked Ann if she could smell it. She can't. I pondered if anyone else would think my pee smells as awful as I do for two days after the infusion. Maybe it is like the flush, only I can smell it. But, I am not going to ask any of my dear friends to smell my pee!
So getting home is fine as I don't live far. I eat a bit, drink a bunch of water, gain five pounds, and then go off to sleep in no time at all. Three hours seems to be the desired amount for my body. Maybe this is because that is usually when everyone is home wanting dinner. I wake groggy with a pounding headache. I am thirsty and a bit nauseated. It is a bit like a hang over...not that I have a lot of experience with those, of course. Tylenol and an antacid help. I am also a bit flushed for a couple of days. The headache is low grade and remains for several days, but the nausea mostly goes with a nice dinner and antacid. The five pounds, well I prey it all is peed out over the next couple of days until I feel like pounding out the pavement again. I had wanted to loose seven pounds every three weeks, but seem to have settled into just going back down to the 135. It is horribly frustrating and feels impossible. I really want to be at 130 by September 28. That would be the one year from my last chemotherapy round and the day I go to Denver to see Dr. Borges. Here is to still hoping.
Tomorrow, I will feel alright. I have a hard time getting back to sleep the night of though I am horribly exhausted. I will feel a bit flushed again, especially if it is hot, so if you see me with red cheeks and chest, that is why. I may have headaches and nausea on and off for a couple of days, but usually I can ignore them. My bones will ache a bit for a week (aka: I can't comfortably run this week.) But, for tonight, I need to take a happy little yellow pill and turn off this head. I promise not to have a break down for another three weeks...well...I hope.
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