When I taught Elementary art, I didn't really enjoy the first graders. Sure, they were new and cute to a 22 year old gal such as myself. But, they whined, they cried, and they didn't know anything. I had to teach them to glue, cut...no, actually, I didn't get the scissors out for a couple of months...and even the joys of tearring a piece of paper for collages. The lessons were simple to provide success. And, in time, we learned to laugh and create. Yet, I did sigh and feel glad that my next class coming in was second grade because they didn't wipe their noses on my skirt.
Sending my daughter off to the first day of first grade was definitely bitter sweet. I saw her as so grown up and tall. I felt amazed at her radiance and floored by her confidence. I thought about those first graders I taught 11 years ago. I must have been a naive young teacher to not see how grown up these guys really are.
I wasn't going to cry, I was too proud of her for growing up. I didn't cry. She lined up at the door and walked in the room waving goodbye with the largest, most beautiful grin I ever saw. Some of the moms and dads were looking in the door and taking pictures so I squeezed in the door frame for my turn. She was putting her pink glitter pencil box into her desk. I snapped a picture, and she looked up. She smiled and ran out the door to give me a hug.
And, that is when I cried. It was like my eyes sprung a leak. She is amazing, and I made her. She is my daughter.
Today, the second afternoon, she came out of her classroom looking around worried. I waved her over, and she ran at me. She melted into my arms. She was little.
As she cried because she fell off her bike and I carried her the rest of the way home, she sniffled out how hard it was for her at school. She had to go here and there. Lunch was only ten minutes long and way too loud, and her friend apparently has other friends so she didn't know what to do at recess. Yes, my big girl was little. I could see that little girl in each of the first graders I taught a decade ago. They weren't snivelling little helpless brats who couldn't glue or cut paper. They were just new and tired. Their world just rocked, they needed to wipe their noses on my skirt. They needed to do that so they could feel like home.
She will grow and get tall again. Yes, there will be a lot of tissue used and band aides for the skinned knees. But, we, all of us, will change with this great big world before us. Welcome to first grade. "Mom, why don't I get to take a nap?"
"Mom, when I was born, I was so excited. I was so excited to be here with you and live. I just didn't know it would end up being so hard. Living life is just so hard. I want to go back to the day I was born." ~Julia E. Brown
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